Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
