i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
