Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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