There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
