Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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