mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize