the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
