I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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