Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
