She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
