I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
