i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize