This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
