im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
