We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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