just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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