We're facebook friends in real life
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
