Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
