It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
