The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
