you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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