just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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