Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm like, not good at living.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
