i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
