He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
