So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
