White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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