I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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