well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
