think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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