Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
