Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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