Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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