So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i drank out of a bidet.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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