Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
