You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
