Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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