i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
