walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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