Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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