At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
