thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
