There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
