Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
