I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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