the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
