I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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