Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
