You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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