I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
