He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My penis needs a shock collar
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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