That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
