all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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