I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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