Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
