The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
