fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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