You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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