Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
