i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
