Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
