Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
is it fun? or sober?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize