I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
