At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
