Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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