he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize