Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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