not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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