I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
