i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
