Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
