fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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