i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
