can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
