My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize