first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
