ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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