ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
