do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
