kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
did you just send me my own nude
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
